The Pros & Cons Of Online Dating
Online dating has become one of the most common ways in which we set out to find love in 2017. Whether your straight, gay or anything in between. Although not as popular with the older generation, the rise in all age groups using dating apps and sign up sites has increased dramatically. I feel there is a few reason behind this such as the below
- The advancements in technology and therefore usability of the sites. Not only is there more variety in the types of online dating sites and how they work such as Tinder compared to Match.com. But also mobile applications have meant you no longer have to sit in your office deleting your internet history, before all your colleagues realise that your 5ft 6 and enjoy romantic novels… not to mention single and into bald men.
- The way in which people spend their time and money has changed as our generation adapts to many outside effects in society. This means that no longer are all nightclubs and pubs on every corner queuing out the door. People travel and stretch their pocket for the house and lifestyle they believe the should have. We are no longer content with a triple vodka and packet of peanuts down the local on a Friday night. Changes in behaviour in social spots has meant its hard to have the opportunity to meet new people face to face, especially when you are not working within a sociable career environment.
- We all want to lead a bit more of a private life.. gone are the days you know every neighbour down the street and may need to call in on Doris for a pint of milk as your husband spent his wages. We all feel stable enough not to have to rely on people that we don’t know that well. We have also become increasingly suspicious with human interaction, which is easy to do when every new blog and news programme informs us of why to be. Interaction and conversation is a skill, and like all skills when we don’t do it often it can feel a little uncomfortable.
- Time! We all have less time and quite frankly online dating fits in nicely with this. You can be telling him about your little red dress, whilst sitting there eating a tub of haggen daaz in your trusty pyjamas that have seen you through 8 colds, 5 Christmas’s and 6 Big Macs… but I guess this is a Pro which we can talk about a bit more later.
So what are the Pros and Cons if your not sure the best way for you to find love? All I can say is being proactive in anyway is fantastic as long as your safe and comfortable. However the below may help you make it a little clearer for you.
- Everyone is there for the same reason.. Unlike having to the detective work in person of whether a person is single or not. Well the majority anyway, some people don’t use it for the right reasons but hey, that is the same in person too. This means that your already a stage ahead making the process if successful much m0re instant.
- More time to think…If you need a confidence boost or are a bit weary you can have a browse with the ball being in your court. Its a great opportunity to put the feelers out and take baby steps to going on a date. You can get a rough idea of someones personality and what they are into without committing yourself to 2 hours of watching the clock just to be polite. You will also have some good conversation starters if you do eventually meet and you would of already carried out the basics.
- Less time & effort.. as above you don’t have to rush home from work, eat a loaf of bread because your only going to order the soup on the date. As its better than ordering the burger (Which you would much rather have) but the gastro pubs put a whole lettuce leaf in that is impossible to bite into without having the entire leaf hanging out your mouth. Then get dolled up to the nines only to realise, that they didn’t even remember your name let alone what you were wearing. You get the gist, you can be that person without having to go through all that effort before you have some inkling its worth it.
- A higher success rate… If you date online its more likely that you will have a couple of dates lined up in no time. If your open minded and have spent some time introducing yourself. This is just common maths, the more fish in the pond the more chance of catching one. With social events or fating events there will be less people and meetings with someone that is a potential match unless they have been pre planned. (Like ours)
- You can shut the door at any point … Many dating sites and applications have inbuilt communication systems meaning you do not have to give out your mobile number until you feel ready. This means if any any point you get fed up of someone or the whole thing you can simply delete your profile or block them. Unlike if you met out socially and passed on your number, as it feels a lot more personal and as if you need to close it off.
- People become braver behind a computer …. Some people unfortunately cannot combine the virtual world with reality. This is such a shame as it becomes more and more part of our world everyday. And of course for most of us we realise that we are still the same humans behind a computer. Because of this some people tend to have more confidence in bending the truth. It is also harder for us to put the pieces together as we don’t meet any of there friends, observe how they act in other scenarios or an overall impression to decide if what they are saying fits. Although we like to hope most people are using online dating for the right reasons, we do have to make sure we are more weary and use other online profiles to put the pieces together before meeting.
- First meetings do count… When we meet new people our bodies are already programmed to look for subtle signs in order to decide if we like this person. This is not only physical attraction, but body language, smells and personality. Its impossible online to really know if you have the potential to like someone before meeting them. Sometimes people can come across very differently in text and it can throw all of your natural instincts off. Therefore online dating can feel as though you have been on lots of dates, without one stomach churning moment. Whereas if you seek out relationships through social circles and events. Although you may have less choice you will have less failed attempts which is great for keeping up moral.
- Overwhelming….Because there are so many people now on the most popular dating sites. If you have just signed up you can sometimes be bombarded, as the new kid on the block. This can invoke a natural instinct to run away or shut down. Especially if what your seeing and being sent isn’t exactly what you pictured. You can also have a couple of conversation being struck and it can be hard to distinguish between who you are speaking to… as if they are all robots with one thing in mind. Then on the other end of the scale you have been on there for ages and you feel like you have seem them all. There’s only that one persistent person from day one, who sends you a fortnightly message with an air of desperation (Which quite frankly your starting to appreciate).
- Judged in the wrong way… With all dating apps and websites the focus is on your profile. Of course you do not physically speak, so the main focus is on the pictures. This can make you feel insecure as the person that hasn’t contacted you back doesn’t even know what you are about. In person the human brain tends to find other reasons for rejection however with online dating you really can’t. I don’t like this aspect of online dating as it has made us a more superficial society.. hopefully someone with adapt an app or site that encourages phone calls or video blogs etc.
- The stigma & suspicion…People are still embarrassed to say that they met online as they think others will think it is seedy.. which of course it isn’t (Unless you make it that). However if you meet someone online who has maybe struck up a few conversations and has had the confidence to meet with you. Will you forever be worried they will find it that easy again. I know that anyone can be unfaithful regardless, however there are some people that are addicted to the virtual reality and I am sure that this has been a problem for couples that have met online before. This is not a con set in stone, bit maybe one to be weary of when your doing your getting to know someone.
I hope you enjoyed this little blog and it gives you some food for thought if you are going back on to the dating scene. The short answer I think is there is no right and wrong answer, but its all based on an individual and what you need in order to have the best chance of feeling comfortable and confident. If you can dabble in both, your keeping your options open. Without being sucked into the virtual world which I think in all aspects of life we need to be weary of as we are human after all.