4 Questions to ask yourself to increase your chances of meeting “The One”
It can be really hard to meet that special person in life, this can be down to lifestyle, opportunity, judgement, emotional scars & expectations. Every individual will have very specific reasons why they may find it hard. This is down to nature & nurture, meaning both an individual’s personality type & their life story/situation effects their perception and expectations of love. Therefore it can be hard to generalize advice, however I believe there are 5 Key factors which every person should question. Which if, they have a clear answer to, will significantly increase their chances of finding “The One”.
1. Who Am I?
I think firstly it is very important to ensure you have a good understanding of who you are. By this I mean, what makes you laugh, when are you happiest, what do you see your future being, what lifestyle do you lead, what characteristics would best describe you, what annoys you, what are your bad habits, what do you believe in etc. Do you have a real perception of who you are? How are you possibly supposed to find someone that would be a good potential match? It’s very easy to find someone that intrigues you or that you find attractive, but not so easy to find someone to fall in love with that has long term potential. It’s important to not only make your own judgement on yourself but to ask friends; often our perception of ourselves can be a little way from the truth. Another key thing about knowing yourself is knowing what has effected your past/present relationships. Not only with previous partners, but also friends. What is it that other people have done or haven’t done that has meant a relationship has been effected? Or what is it that you’ve done or haven’t done that has caused an effect on someone else in a relationship? Once you feel you have a good understanding of the answers to these types of questions it allows you to judge if someone would be a well balanced person for you, who can fulfill your needs and expectations. Being self-aware will also give you the best possible chance of a relationship with longevity. After all, every one of us needs to make adjustments to ourselves when sharing our life with someone else.
2. What Do I Need From A Relationship/Person?
Once you have self awareness and understanding of who you are and what you want, the next step is to understand what you need from someone else. Knowing what you need from a relationship seems like an easy question, right? Well, I don’t think it is, it takes experience and requires you to take a step back to really answer this question. Do you want a lot of attention from a partner and a very intense relationship or maybe you want someone who will be easy going with time spent enabling a relaxed relationship to blossom? Do you need a more dominant partner who will introduce you to new things and where you can take a step back? Maybe you need a less dominant partner who will fit in with you and adapt to your lifestyle. What relationships have you had in the past? Can you see what you were missing from these and what stopped you from growing together? Or if you haven’t had past relationships, look at where you are in your life and what kind of person and relationship would fit in with you at this moment. It can be hard at the best of times to constantly think of someone else, take on someones habits and generally accommodate someone. So making sure you do not change your lifestyle/habits completely, is vital to avoid a shock reaction. Yet at the same time realizing what you can compromise on is also important.
3. Am I Creating The Opportunity To Meet Someone?
First of all creating the opportunity to meet someone means having time. Few of us get lucky enough to just stumble across someone at work, locking eyes across the office as soon as you step out of the lift. More likely your working all the hours possible and when you do finally get home to your microwave meal for one, the last thing on your mind is finding “The one”. As you get older putting in more time/effort is needed as opportunities for potential matches are less frequent. Not only do most bars & clubs consist of the under 25’s, but if there are people of your own age there you have high chance they are already taken. Ok, so how about going to gyms & restaurants etc? Well first of all these kinds of social places do not involve a high amount of interaction, as meeting people is not the focus. So why not get online? You can meet people at a touch of a button, while they are blissfully unaware that you are sitting in your 10 year old pajama bottoms whilst scoffing hob nobs. Well I’ll tell you why, it is very hard to judge someone via a computer screen. A 5 minute judgement in person can take hours via online chats, which means a high number of disappointing dates and get out excuses. It is also an easy portal for those just looking for a bit of fun. Well then .. how the hell do you go about it? The answer is a combination of all of these things. Joining clubs/hobbies, socializing with friends, being online and giving it a go and even just getting on the train. Therefore, is your attitude pro-active? You should be doing these things not only to increase your opportunities but to better yourself and your attitude. Starting a new club or hobby is fun, you meet new people and also feel a sense of fulfillment. It is also important to manage your time ensuring that there is time for you and what you enjoy, not just work and the mundane day to day tasks. If your not sure what you can do go back to question 1. and ask yourself who am I? What do I enjoy etc? It is also important, when opportunity arises, to keep an open attitude, speak to people and interact before making judgments you may be surprised! Speaking to someone doesn’t mean you have to go home with them or even like them, you may just enjoy the conversation, learn something about yourself & at least build your confidence. Work on giving a friendly and approachable vibe, by improving your body language and smiling. Lastly don’t over think everything, there is nothing to loose & everything to gain.
4. Is Now The Right Time?
This is a tricky question, as many would say there is never a good or bad time to meet someone in your life. They may say, if you like someone enough you will ensure that other circumstances do not effect your relationship developing. However, I do feel that there are some key points with timing that may not effect the relationship starting, but may effect it lasting. Such as if you have not long come out of previous long term relationship, this can effect your judgement and decisions. I think its important to get to know yourself again to avoid changing once your already in a the relationship. Stability in your life also makes it easier to build on relationships and circumstances that may otherwise get in the way. Relationships come more naturally to some compared to others. This can be due to the fact they have always had a relationship and therefore they are not set in their own ways. Or, it can be due to personality traits that naturally enable them to work well with others and compromise. Therefore, sometimes we need to do some work on ourselves. Either by improving our consciousness of our actions, when working with others. Or by getting used to someone else being in our space that may effect our normal routine. You don’t need to have met someone to work on this, as you can be conscious with colleagues or friends. You also need to be aware that you can make time for another person. Meeting someone and having a successful relationship requires dedication and not giving up. Ultimately, if you feel you are ready you normally are. However if you haven’t even thought about it, are you ready?